We have a house! If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram, you will know that I’d put in an application for a rental property in Melbourne. To be completely honest, I’m super surprised we got the first house we went for. I was expecting to search for awhile, maybe get rejected, etc, but nope. It’s a cute 3 bedroom place with a roomy backward. I’ve not yet seen it, but I’m super excited to. You’ve probably noticed that my posts have slowed down recently, between that and packing, I’ve honestly not been doing anything exciting or wearing more then leggings and singlets! Sorry! Anyway, I thought I’d share a few things I’ve learnt along my recent journey!

Use the phone, don’t email.
I have a bit of a phone phobia. I dislike talking on phones, and prefer to communicate other ways. Email, text, I’d even prefer to write a letter, but sadly I found that using the phone was the fastest solution. I’m pretty sure I made more phone calls in the last month then I did all of last year. While Domain has a nifty little form on the property page, which sends a quick little email to the Agent, it’s often a pre-filled copy & paste reply. I had to suck it up, and use the phone.

Secretary > Agent
Secretaries are amazing. Agents seem to not really care. Then again, I find that with Nurses and Doctors in hospitals too. Out of the many Agents I contacted, only a few seemed to be helpful. I’m not sure if that’s the nature of rental agents or what, but it was a bit frustrating. On the other hand, the secretaries were helpful and very charming. The lady who managed the house we got seems to be quite nice though.

Have all the documents you think you’ll need, and then some. Also, a scanner!
Thank heavens for the internet! These days, most of your information like bank statements and such can be found online and downloaded as a PDF. I’ve been lucky in the past and only had private rentals, so the amount of info I had to show kind of astounded me. I admit to being a bit naive going into it. Bank statement, Centerlink documents (if any), utility bills, your passport, your medicare card, your drivers licence. I had all the info needed though and was able to scan everything onto a computer to send off. Of course, me still being in Sydney meant I’ve had to do 95% of everything via email.

All states are different.
Most of the info I know about renting through a real estate, has come from my Brother and his more recent house hunts. To say that the property market in Sydney is different to the one in Melbourne, is an understatement. From pricing, to rent in advance times and also general leasing time lines, it’s all quite different! In NSW, you are only required to pay 2 weeks rent in advance, whilst we had to pay a Month.

Use a Pet Resume!
If you have a pet, that is! I remember Liz writing a post ages ago about doing up a Pet Resume for her cat. Whilst the post isn’t online any more, she was happy to send me a copy so I could have a look at it. I included a couple of pictures of Tonka, some information on him, as well as contact numbers for my current vet and a pet reference. While the Agent called me and asked me a few questions about him, I think the Pet Resume helped in learning a bit more about him.

The photos in this post is my current place, #thedarlingden. I’ll share some pictures of the new place once I’ve moved. I need to think of a new name!!

Have you rented? Any tips you can share with me?

The post 5 things I’ve learnt trying to find a rental property! appeared first on XL as life!.

Dear Mr Frodo,
Today marks a year since you passed away. A year since I last held you, since I smelt you, got kisses, heard your bark. It’s been a year since you struggled to sit up on the vets desk, to lick away my tears, as I said goodbye. A year since I held you, told you that I loved you, that you were THE BEST dog, my best friend, my baby boy, as you drifted away.

It’s been HARD, but like people have said, it’s got easier. I think moving to Melbourne helped, because I no longer expect to see you come strutting down the hall. For so long, I would still go to feed you, or take you outside. The worst is when I get depressed, you were always there for me then, you were my rock, and for awhile I felt SO lost, because it was you who would comfort me. It was YOU who kept ME alive. Tonka has been doing his best with that though, and I guess I’m lucky he’s a cat that loves to lay in my arms all night. He fretted for you, I think he still misses you, though I’m pretty sure he’s happy he ALWAYS gets prime lap/bed position now.

I don’t have so many nightmares about you anymore. For so long I would dream about you dying. Or that I wished so hard you came back to life, only to be some weird demon zombie dog. I’ve lost count of the number of times I woke up in tears. Thankfully, when you visit me in my dreams now, you’re just you, and we hang out, and I cherish every second I get to spend with you. Even if it is just in my head.

To be honest, I did better then I expected. When you were alive, I couldn’t even comprehend what a life without you would be like. Surely, I could NEVER survive in a world that you weren’t in? True, I think a little piece of me died with you, I had moments when the world felt like it was ending and I could not stop crying, or catch my breath. But the world did keep turning, and I KNEW you would want me to keep on keeping on.

This is the longest time that I can remember that I haven’t had a dog. I’ve always had a dog, sometimes two, for as long as I remember. I think I’m finally realising that I COULD have another dog in my life. Part of me is scared though. I’m scared that I will never love another thing the way I loved you. Sure, I love, but I’ve never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved you. I’m also scared that I WILL love something the way I loved you.

I still think of you every day, I still see you everyday, but it hurts less. I may be bawling like a baby writing this, but the tears & pain are less often. These days, I tend to remember all the good times we spent, and smile. I still can’t eat Doritos though. I also feel a little guilty because your urn is hidden away in a box on the shelf. I don’t think I’m ready for that open of a reminder. I know you’ll understand though. Plus you’re favourite toy, leash and coat is in it with you.

I like to think you’re somewhere, with loved ones who have passed. Reunited with Bayley & Emily. Snuggling with Grandmama. I hope you are.

All my love, my little man.
xo Mummy

The post Dear Mr Frodo (A year on) appeared first on XL as life!.

The other day, my buddy Mallory came over to get me to take a few head shots for her new site (More on that soon!). She also decided to interview ME! It was pretty daunting, I’m a bit shy and while I’ve been interviewed live on TV before, it was a quite different sitting down with someone I consider a friend.

 She asked some great questions, I wonder if you can pick out which question was my favourite?

View the interview here.

The post Cry Little Sister interviews ME! appeared first on XL as life!.

 As I mentioned in my last post, I recently spent just over a week in Sydney visiting my parents. I had such a great time, and now i’m back in Melbourne, I’m missing them already. Getting to see my parents dogs were a bit of a highlight. Betsy (above) has some health problems, so I always have this worry in the back of my head about her. It was great to get snuggles with her and see her cute shenanigans!

My nephew Caleb surprised me at the airport! It took me a moment to click who this tall guy with a pokemon hat on was! He’s grown SO tall, he’s NEARLY as tall as me! It’s always a bit more surreal seeing Caleb grow as I witnessed his birth! Of course I had to steal his pikachu hat for a selfie!

My youngest nephew & niece came to visit too! Alex is just precious and makes me laugh so hard! He is a natural comedian. Bethany is currently losing some of her teeth, which makes for adorable gapped grins. I wanted her MLP top!

Oh Aussie, he’s just so cute. He a little poser. As soon as you get a camera out, he’s like “oh, let me give you my best side”.

Yummmmmmmy food! While there my man cooked dinner for my parents and I. It really was delicious (probably one of my favourite meals he cooks).

What a gorgeous view huh? Yep, that’s the Sydney Harbour Bridge! This is from the balcony of one of Dads clients.

What have you been up to whilst I was in Sydney?

The post My Sydney visit in Pictures! appeared first on XL as life!.

Yep! I can now cross that off my Bucket List! I’ve always loved tattoos, I actually designed the first one I wanted when I was in Year 6, but I’ve always been scared. Despite having numerous piercings, I’m scared of needles, so I’ve just always put off having a tattoo.

After Frodo passed away, I was determined to get a memorial tattoo. I have an artist picked out (Clare) & a spot (thigh), I only have to save. However, being a tattoo virgin, I wanted to get something small first to see how I dealt with the pain before going and getting something larger.

Whilst scrolling Instagram the other day, an artist I follow Timothy (he does some amazing line work & mandalas) posted how the studio he’s at was doing a Friday the 13th Flash Day. When I saw the origami like animals & dinosaurs, I knew I found that ‘something small’ trial tattoo. I had a hard time trying to decide which one to get. The owl? The Unicorn? Which dinosaur? I love pterodactyls, but I thought that one looked a bit too much like a paper crane. I already have a dream owl tattoo I want to get and I don’t need 2 owl tattoos. The Unicorn, well, Stacey pointed out if you get a unicorn tattoo it should be epic and majestic.

So, the T-Rex it was! On the back of my neck (if you can’t tell), so I didn’t have to watch it being done. It hardly took any time (around 10-15 minutes) & yes, it did hurt. The top more so, probably cause it was closer to bone. As soon as it’s done though, it’s not very noticeable. Now, a few days on, it’s still healing and gets slightly itchy at times. Oh, and his name is Wash.

My friend Stacey came along with me, and got a tattoo of her own. We had a 2 our wait, so went and got our nails done! Not only did I pop my tattoo cherry, I got a shellac manicure for the first time! In fact, I loved the colour Stacey chose that I totally copied her. We now have matching BRIGHT pink nails! And matching bright pink lipstick! Please excuse my whites on the washing line

Do you have a tattoo? Do you want one?

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Hi my name is Natalie, i’m 28, a Gemini, I love shoes and things that sparkle, cool weather, swimming and all animals. I have a few mental health issues and all I want in life is a dog.

I can’t really complain though. While my head makes life and living it hard, I have a roof over my head (I love this house), food, enough money to see a good psych fortnightly, friends, and a super loving and supportive family. I should be golden, but I still feel like something is missing. That missing piece is a dog.

I’ve had at least one dog ever since I can remember. All my life, i’ve had a canine companion, up until Frodo passed away 15 months ago (I remember things like this, 6 years since my miscarriage, 5 years since my niece died, 4 years since my nan died). At first, I couldn’t imagine getting another dog, I was distraught. I had to deal with living in a Frodoless world.

Frodo was my world, and I’m about 80% sure I wouldn’t be alive today if it wasn’t for him. I got him when I was around 15 and in one of my most fragile stages. He was my rock. I had anxiety plans built around him from my Councillors. To this day, when I panic, my thoughts go straight to ‘I want to go home, to my bed, to my dog’. The first few times this happened after Frodo passed was hard, I’d get to the ‘to my dog’ part and panic harder. I no longer had a dog.

I raised him to be a pretty good dog and I was so proud of him. Some days he’d do something and I’d think my heart would burst from love. This was what people must feel when they have kids, this crazy emotional, love. When he was sick, I would be like a distraught Mother. When he had his operation on his knee, I’d carry him around, stand next to him so he could pee. When he nearly died from a bowel obtrusion, I did everything I could do to help him. I knew the day before he passed that that was the last night I was going to spend with him. When he passed away, it was in my arms with me telling him he was the greatest and best dog ever. In my heart, he always will be.

I’m not having children, even when I was younger growing up, I never wanted them. I’d always said I’d adopt. Sadly, I can’t adopt. I have issues that would make it hard to concieve and to carry full term and I would not want anyone to grow up with a head anything like mine. So yes, I did see Frodo, I do see Tonka, like my children. A child, that someone who had trouble getting out of bed somedays could have. A child who never judged me if I didn’t leave the house for a week, or a fortnight. Who would willingly give me cuddles and make me happier just by being in the room. Who would encourage me to get out of bed, to feed them, to take them outside. Who made me keep living. It’s something my Psych and I have been discussing over and over.

The thing is, if I was having a child, I wouldn’t have to ask the landlord for permission.

 I was offered to adopt a dog recently. The most perfect dog for me. A dream dog. But the landlord came back with a no. While my rational brain can accept it, it was a big ask, they are scared their property will be damaged, the other part of my brain is devastated. I’d be the best dog parent, I wouldn’t let it do damage and if it did, I’d pay every cent. I can’t stop crying (oh hey, a nose bleed) and I just can’t understand why I try and be the best person I can be, and it always seems that I come in last. I’d do anything legal and not morally questionable to just have this. It still feels like my heart is broken.

I know it may sound trivial to some. And hey, it just may be. But in a world so crazy, if something as simple as having a dog can make my life a better place, can quiet my head, can encourage me to get up in the morning, then I will strive for it. I just wish it was now. I’m not asking for the world. A million dollars. Diamonds. Expensive pairs of shoes. All I want in life is a dog, and I can’t have it.

The post When all you want in life is a dog appeared first on XL as life!.

HAPPY EASTER!

I hope everybody has had a good Easter weekend. Myself, I don’t really celebrate Easter. No chocolates, eggs, bunnies, etc. Though I did go to an Easter Picnic on Friday. As you know, I’ve been missing having a dog like crazy, so when I heard the local Anatolian Shepherd Dog of Victoria was having a specialty show and picnic, I decided what better way to spend the day!

I got to be the baby sitter, which suited me just fine! That being said, puppy Zazu was very popular and spent a good part of the day hanging around with all different members. So I spent the day in the company of Dragon (Zazu’s Mum).

 This is the 2nd time I’ve got to hang out with this gorgeous breed, last time was November last year. I didn’t think it was possible, but I fell even more in love with the breed!

Above, is Zazu with his Mum Dragon. This litter produced a fair few brindle. I find it so fascinating how their colouring can be so different. Zazu is 4 months old and already nearly half his mums size!

This was one of the first times Zazu has left the farm, apart from vet visits, and as you can see, he was a little stubborn and not at all liking the leash. By the end of the day though, he was walking much better on it.

This is Domino & Trojan. No, they aren’t fighting, they are actually playing. It was SO fun to see! Though lordy, is Trojan a big boy! His owner gave us a lift to the event, and jumping in the back of her car, he put his head over the back seat and promptly licked my cheek. Super friendly! Though, he did get a little excited by the days activity and at one point stood up and tried to mount me. He was as tall as me!

How did you spend your Easter?

The post A canine Easter Picnic! appeared first on XL as life!.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Life has been happening lately and the blog has been on the back burner a little. I’m currently back in Sydney, due to a family member being ill. I’m unsure when I’ll be back in Melbourne. I was originally only staying Tuesday to Tuesday, but I may end up staying an extra 2 weeks as more tests and such need to be done.

Comfortable attire for waiting around hospitals. I’m wearing a Big W dress, City Chic pink shirt-dress and my Black Milk galaxy cape. I hadn’t put my shoes on at this point, but they were my ASOS glitter gum boots.

Apart from obvious stress, it’s nice being back in Sydney. I had been a little home sick, so it’s nice staying with my parents. I’m hoping I may get to see a few other family members whilst I’m here.

The whole getting to Sydney part was a bit of an adventure. In case you didn’t know, Sydney has had the worst storm in 8 years! (Just look at some of these pictures!) I left my house at 7:30am to catch a 11:20am flight. I arrived at the airport to find my flight had been delayed until 3pm. Tiger’s airport terminal in Melbourne is pretty minimal. A coffee shop, a cafe and a newsagent. Plus the worlds most uncomfortable chairs. I ended up laying on the ground for a time cause it was more comfortable. Also, $10 for a sandwich and $4.50 for a bottle of water.

Thankfully the flight did board around 3pm and the flight was pretty good considering. Some pretty crappy terbulance near landing and the whole plane clapped when we landed. The weather outside was abysmal, and my train ride to Penrith was 45 minutes longer then normal. I was lucky that the trains were still running tbh. I arrived at my parents house just after 7pm. So it took me nearly 12 hours to get from Melbourne to Sydney!

I’ve had lots of Aussie cuddles though, and Betsy was excited to see me too. I do miss my parents dogs! The header image is of Mr Tonka, who is back in Melbourne, probably complaining about the weather. He HATES the cold, and has already started wanting his jumper on, and has recently discovered what a heater is!

What’s new with you?

The post Life Currently! appeared first on XL as life!.

So, to be completely clear, i’m stealing this ‘outtakes’ idea from one of my fave bloggers Suger Coat It! Take a moment to head over to her site and check hers out, they are amazing!!

Mine are nowhere near as fun. I take 99.5% of my outfit photos myself, and tend to delete any half blinking photos straight away, but I went through some of my old files and thought I would show off a few that didn’t make the blog post.

Also, again, sorry about the lack of blog posts. My mental health has been well, pretty crap. I’m just trying to take everything a day at a time. That also means I’ve been spending most of my time in my pajamas on the couch binge watching Breaking Bad and Jane the Virgin.

The above picture just makes me think “pantalooooons”. What am I doing? Trying to curtsy?

Am I pointing to the rabbit, or am I rubbing very high nipples?

And of course, and Aussie photo bomb!

Hopefully I will get out of this depressive funk soon and get my mojo back & thanks for being so understanding!

The post Outtakes! appeared first on XL as life!.

It’s a little hard to believe that today marks 14 years since I started blogging. That is nearly half my life! Extra Large as life is however only going onto it’s 5th year. Before here, I had a blog named “Oh! I dazzle?”. Points to anyone who can guess that reference.

I’ve seen a lot, I’ve done a lot. I don’t think it was even called blogging when I started sharing my life on the internet. My blog(s) have taken many different forms, and shared many different themes, but I guess it’s all been slightly vain as they’ve all revolved around me.

Extra Large as Life started after my previous blog started getting some comments about my clothing. I had originally started the blog as a way to keep up with family when I moved to Adelaide, but as the fat acceptance movement was starting, and I had people noticing my clothing, I decided to change the name to something fat friendly. Extra Large as Life was born, and really, that kick started my love of fashion.

I’ve had many mixed thoughts about blogging & I’ve come to accept i’m never going to be one of those amazing famous bloggers who earn 6 figures. I have enough trouble keeping in contact with friends, let alone nurturing brand relationships. It helped me realise that to enjoy this, I had to do it for me, and for my readers. I admit, at times I felt blogger envy & I questioned myself a lot, but at the end of the day, I love to blog, to share my life, my fashion & findings with people.

You’ve seen the highs and lows, my mental health journey, love & heartbreak, many different fashion trends. I’ve met so many amazing people, who I now call many friends, and have had some fantastic opportunities. Life, I’ve posted close to 880 posts & recieved nearly 10 000 comments! Who knows what the coming years has in terms of blogging, and my blog, but thank you for coming along for the ride!!

How long have you been reading XL as Life?

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First up, the outfit! I only really got this one decent picture of my outfit, but this is what I wore for Fathers day. It was cold out, and what you can’t tell is that I have 2 pairs of stockings, a singlet & a long sleeve top on under the dress!

Stockings – c/o Sonsee | Dress – c/o Mynt1792 | Long Cardi – Rockmans
Earrings – Capn Muller | Sunglasses – Quay ‘My Girl’.

Fathers day we traveled out to Jindivick and had lunch at Jindivick Tavern Harvest Kitchen. My parents travel with their dogs, so we had to find a place that was dog friendly, and we lucked out with this place!

After looking at the menu, we ALL decided on the seafood platter. Mum wanted hers without any garlic of spice, and they went so far as to crumb her calamari differently to everyone else. Now THAT is service! The food was delicious!

The weather was pretty iffy a lot of the day, but when we sat down the wind eased up and sun came out a bit to make it really enjoyable. Look at that view! I found it fascinating to see in the distance the fog layer under the mountain.

This is Merlin, he was wandering around the property, and I think lived their, or belonged to the owners. He was SO well behaved and seemed to just want to make friends with my parents dogs. Betsy isn’t too friendly with other dogs, we thing it’s because she’s deaf & is frightened, she just barks, which is then sad, because she’s been de-barked.

I had to include that picture, because doesn’t he just look majestic!?

My mum with Betsy and Aussie. Then Dad & I later that night, I need to teach him how to selfie better

I’m back home now, and my parents are on their way back to Sydney tomorrow. I miss them already.

What did you get up to on the weekend?

The post Fathers Day Outfit! appeared first on XL as life!.

C’mon! Just how good is that horse selfie in the image above!? Ahem, yes. So, my BFF Lou came to visit a few days ago & the main reason for her visit was to go and check out some horses. It was a bit of a road trip & I tagged along for the ride. The horses she was looking at were Icelandic Horses, which I had seen online of course (Reykjavik is high on the list of places I want to visit) but I didn’t even know these gorgeous, almost fluffy horses were even in Australia!

One of these white horses above actually has the most beautiful pale blue eyes! I love horses, but i’ve only ever ridden one around 8 times, and the horses i’ve been around have always been saddled and ‘working’, so it was fascinating to walk into a paddock full of horses just in their natural environment. The first paddock we went into held the boys (I think it was a mix of stallions and geldings).

Look at that fabulous hair! The horses were friendly and as soon as we walked in we were greeted by a few wanting pats. It’s quite intimidating being surrounded by horses, but let me tell you, I’m glad I met the boys first, cause they were a lot more polite and mannered then the ladies!

The Icelandic horse isn’t nearly as large as a standard horse, but are still about 14hands (56inches). When we met the ladies (mares), we were surrounded! I had to walk away a few times because all of a sudden I had 5 horses around me all wanting pats. Lily seemed to take a liking to me, the only problem being that she didn’t like any other horse getting to much attention and would nip at them, which made them nip back or move away fast. I did manage to lose her though and it was a lot calmer after that!

Above, I believe is Gjorvi (so many names, so many horses, I believe they had around 80 on the property!). He is around 4 months old. He was a lot more shy, but still very inquisitive.

This is Peach. She is the one in the picture at the top of the post. After awhile of wandering around the horse, I found a quiet spot and sat down to enjoy the environment. After awhile Peach came up for some attention. She was so lovely and affectionate, coming up from the front and resting her head on my shoulder, like giving me a hug. As you can see here and above, she also gave me kisses and breathed in my ear!

Here are a bunch or ladies grooming each other. Lou had a chance to ride one, and it was amazing to see a horse tolt in person. I had no idea a horse could, and it’s really only Icelandic Horses that do it! I actually learnt so much Wednesday!

Thanks to Lou for allowing me to join her and to Haldane Icelandic Horses for having me!

Have you ever ridden a horse?

The post A day with some Icelandic Horses! appeared first on XL as life!.

My life isn’t perfect, and I don’t try to make it out to be that way. I am not always fashionable, when i’m home you’ll often find me in over sized t-shirts and leggings. I care way too much about what other people think of me. I struggle with my mental health almost daily. I love that my cat is so snugly but I dislike living so far away from my family. I don’t drive, I don’t smoke and I hardly ever drink.

I have more shoes then I know what to do with. I come from a family of accountants, but I suck at maths. Having dark hair makes me feel sad. I love reading paranormal romance novels. I am suck at being a good friend because I suck at communicating. I like my own space. Oysters & Orange juice are 2 of my favourite things.

It took me way too long to learn to tell the time on an analog clock. Sometimes I think this blog is one of the main things that has kept me sane, having an outlet to create. I miss rollerblading and bike riding. My favourite colour is pink.

Tell me something about yourself.

The post Not always fashionable. appeared first on XL as life!.

This post was brought to you by Yellow Octopus & Shopping Links.

It’s approaching that time of year again when a lot of people have to put their thinking cap on and figure out what to get their Mum for Mothers Day. It’s so hard to buy for my Mum as she already has many things and is trying to downsize, so this list is more based on my loves, if I was a Mum to something other than a cat!

The items I chose all come from Yellow Octopus, who have a HUUUUGE range of gifts. Plus is you live in Melbourne, you can get it delivered same day*). Delivery within Australia is pretty great at a flat rate of $7.99 or free if you spend over $100 (which would be easy to do).

Cat Scarf – $34.99 || I don’t believe in getting house work related gifts for mothers day (unless it is specifically asked for), even if it is super cute. Wearable things however often are a go to for me. This scarf is adorable, practical and purrrrfect for anyone who love cats.

Unicorn Slippers – $36.99 || Do I even have to explain these?

Karlsson Clock – $104.99 || Copper is in at the moment and this clock would add some pizzazz to any house!

Dachshund Book Ends (In black or white) – $39.99 || I have a lot of books, boks are awesome, and as I’ve just moved into my new place and am trying to style up my bookshelves, I’ve come to realise how good book ends can look. Plus they’re practical. I was going to add THESE ONES to the list, because who doesn’t want magical unicorn book ends, but they’re out of stock.

Pop Vinyl Figurines – $$ Varies || A gift that is affordable and can be tailored to suit your Mums fave TV show, Movie, comic, etc. My picks are Loki, Dancing baby Groot, Olaf, The Tenth Doctor

What would you choose for your Mum?

*Melbourne same day delivery is at an added cost & only if you order before 2pm on a business day)

The post My top 5 Mothers Day gift picks from Yellow Octopus! appeared first on XL as life!.

One thing about my laptop dying (RIP) is that ive had to boot up my oooold computer to try and get things done. Going over old images and outfit posts Id totally forgotten about has been a fun past time for me in the last week and I thought Id share some with you.

I *think* I still have this dress. I need to hunt it down! I really want to re-create this outfit again!

This was sooo many years ago now, in the lounge room of the house I grew up in. My parents no longer live there anymore.

Some old header ideas for this blog!

Back when I predominately wore black and red! Sometimes I miss having such a simple wardrobe colour palette, it certainly made dressing easier!

I miss this hair, even if it was extensions! Long pink mermaid hair! This was back when I worked the Convention scene. Seth Green was soooo nice.

I would have been 14 or 15 in the above picture. I lived in those pants, as well as a pair that was a blue tie dye material. I wore them until my thighs wore out the material between my legs where they rubbed and then they sat in my wardrobe for years before I could dare to part with them. I still miss them to this day.

Domino Dollhouse really did make some of the cutest designs! Both dress & petticoat were from there.

Here I am with a dingo in a choke hold! Wait, no, it just LOOKS like it. It was really akward as I had a broken foot at the time (you can just see the top of the mood boot).

Still have this skirt and jacket, though I sold the dress (worn as top).

Layers! Another outfit I want to recreate!

Do you have lots of pictures stored away from when you were younger?

The post Some blasts from the past! appeared first on XL as life!.

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a What’s in my bag post, and with the lack of outfit posts going on around here at the moment (sorry! My onesie isn’t all that interesting) I thought it would be a great time to do one. I LOOOOVE seeing what’s in other peoples bags, I think it’s because I grew up being told never to go into anyones bag, and I just find it fascinating to see what other people carry around.

In an effort to not carry everything and my kitchen sink, ive downsized my bag recently. I’ve had this bag for yeeeeears now. It doesn’t have any tags anymore, but if I remember correctly, its by Bluebird from Strandbags. Its so soft. I mostly use a cross body bags these days, as I dont drive and walking around everywhere is just easier with a cross body bag. I’ve jazzed it up with some colourful pom poms from Sportsgirl. I saw this one in store the other week and am now really wanting to add it to my bag.

My purse is a New Look via ASOS purse, which has seen better days, but I just adore it. I get so many compliments on it. I actually feel really proud of how much crap I no longer have in my bag!

So, I have my Sunglasses, a spare pair of everyday glasses, a notepad, a business card from where I last got my brows tinted, tissues, lipglosses, hairclip, my Myki card, my wallet and …..

I keep this little Bellabox purse thing in my bag with a whole lot of doodads. Toothpicks, spare liprings, perfume, nail files, pain killers, a spoon, wet towelette, sharpie, and those bags are small scented plastic bags.

Other things that are usually in my bag, but for some reason aren’t right now – A pen or 3, period pads, my phone (which is back at Virgin hopefully getting fixed), my keys & a USB stick.

And some random things that are in my wallet. Lots of loyalty cards, a full Cook island drivers license (and I only have my Ls here), a key card pocket from the hotel I stayed at in Tasmania with a Port Arthur sticker on it, movie ticket stubs and that there is all the money I have in my wallet!

So, what is in your bag!?

If you’ve done a post about whats in your bag, make sure to leave a link in the comments!

The post What’s in my bag!? appeared first on XL as life!.

Everyday I’m edging closer to the big Three-oh & I’m honestly not sure how i’m feeling about it. Scared, excited, nervous, anxious, proud, like i’ve failed, like i’ve succeeded. Lets just say, it’s been a bit of a roller-coaster but not all that many highs.

I never thought i’d make it to 30, I never thought I’d make it to 18, so in a way every birthday is even more of a celebration. Congratulations Natalie, you made it through another year. I’m proud of getting here, it’s been a battle and a half, but I’m here. But then I look back and see all that I haven’t done, at that I’ve struggled with and how it’s taken all my strength just to survive. I’m turning 30, but I feel I have nothing to show for it.

I try not to compare myself to anyone else, we are all individuals, but I look at people I know and their life and how some have kids (which I don’t want), are married, have their own house, and I’m here twiddling my thumbs crying over the fact I don’t know what to cook for dinner. But I also know that I am not alone in that, and that there are so many people who feel (felt) the same way turning 30, or even older. I guess that even though it feels like society sometimes gives you this life timeline they expect you to follow, it’s still your life to do with it what you want.

Grey hair, don’t care.

 I’m getting together with friends both in Melbourne and Sydney for lunches to celebrate my 30th. I had a horrid fear nobody would turn up, but I knew if I didn’t do anything, I’d be sad and disappointed. Now I’m just trying to figure out what to wear.

I was going to do one of my crazy epic birthday wishlists like I normally do, but I find myself sitting here thinking “Eh, do I need any of this stuff”, which, apart from a chest of drawers, no I don’t. Would I like a new laptop, iPad, Digital SLR, YES, but I have my desktop, I have my dodgy broken mobile phone until my replacement comes in.

But here are a few favourite things of the moment (you may need to turn off ad blocker)

I also tend to pin things I like onto my Pinterest wishlist board HERE.

Any advice for turning 30?

The post On turning 30 (and a wishlist!) appeared first on XL as life!.

Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness week is the 1-7th of October. It’s been awhile since I’ve talked about my mental health, so now is the perfect time to do so.

I am 30. Now that may not seem like a big deal to some people, but I remember a time when I didn’t think I’d make it to 18. The fact that I’ve made it to 30 just blows my mind. You see, I’ve struggled with life. I’ve not had a bad life, in fact, I’ve had a pretty easy life, but my head hasn’t made it easy for me. For as long as I remember, I’ve been a bit different.  From a young age, I was scared that someone was coming to get me, that my heart beat was someone walking up the stairs, that the noise outside was dinosaurs suddenly re-appearing to kill us all (hey, I was a kid!) and of course the dread I would feel when someone would walk into a classroom with a note, I was sure that note was to call me to the office and that my parents had died. I used to sleep with the light on, and I used to wake my parents up at least once a night to see if they were okay.

“With BPD it hurts physically. It is an intense amount of painful emotion packed inside of my body trying to get out.”

I’ve seen dozens of doctors, councillors, psychiatrists, and psychologists over those years, my first being when I was in year 2 at school. Things got more serious in high school and later I was (wrongly) diagnosed with Bipolar (not otherwise specified). I was then rightly diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (among a few other things) when I was around 19, and that fit my symptoms more than Bipolar, and also made me understand more of why my teenage years were THE WORST. Not only was I going through the normal hormonal changes that everyone goes through, I had the added side affect that molehills were mountains.

“People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” –  Marsha M. Linehan

I went through a period where I hardly ever left the house, where i’d have panic attacks almost daily. I would go out to the shops and not be able to approach a counter because I just couldn’t interact with people, my Mum would have to do it for me. I’ve been to the emergency room at the hospital more times than I can count on my hands, I used to self injure, and I have tried to take my own life. I have however had help, and I have always been so disciplined on myself. BPD often comes with reckless behaviour, for example, gambling, spending money irresponsibly, binge eatting, abuse of substances, engage in unsafe promiscuous sex, or drive recklessly. Now for me, I may put $1 in the poker machines if I’m out a dinner, but no more than 2 dollars. I’ve never taken drugs, apart from trying pot twice. My sex life is private, but I can count my partners on one hand, I’m disease free, and I don’t drive. I have been known to binge eat and did have an eating disorder for many years, and I can’t save money for my life. However, all my bills and rent are always paid and I don’t have a credit card. So, i’m lucky. Extremely lucky.

I’ve come so far, it’s been a hard road, and I still have days when I can’t get out of bed, when I don’t want to live anymore. I still can’t do so many things that most people can do, but I can do more than I could. Today*, I caught a bus, a train, and went to a meeting and shopping by myself. I know that I am so tired from just doing that, that I will have an early night and I will sleep most of tomorrow. It is an invisible illness and I am a complete spoonie.

This post was more a way to share some of my story, and I guess to let people know that it can get better. I still struggle, but I can look back and see how far I’ve come and how I have a better understanding and coping mechanisms in place to make those dark days easier.

If you’d like more information about BPD, please head over to Spectrum. Project Air. Sane. Beyond Blue.
If you’re in trouble, never fear to call Lifeline 13 11 14 or the Suicide Callback Service 1300 659 467

*I wrote this post yesterday and scheduled it go live today.

The post Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Week appeared first on XL as life!.

On Monday the much loved Betsy passed away. I still feel odd. I cried when my Mum rang, and a few times after, and now I just feel numb. I think it will hit more once I’m back at my parents place in Sydney.

You can view the post on when we got Betsy here. We never knew how old she was, and soon after adopting her, we realised she was deaf. We weren’t positive at first because her ears were full of mites and we thought that may have been a hindrance, but no, she was deaf. We also found out she had been de-barked. That didn’t stop her barking though, it just came out more of a breathy squeaky noise. Oh but she could snore! Many times I’ve rung Mum and could hear Betsy perfectly in the background snoring her heart out.

I called her Princess because she was a princess to me. It was amazing to see her progress, Frodo helped her learn to be a dog. Taught her that she wasn’t going to get into trouble for doing dog things. That she was never going to be abused. My parents previous dog Emily never really grew much, she was too traumatised, but Betsy thrived. My parents did such an amazing job just showing her how loved she was that you could pat her, something she would shy away from at the start. It was to the point that when people would come into the house, she would come out and actively seek pats.

She’s been going downhill for awhile, her hard life before we adopted her was taking a toll on her. Her heart, her liver. She had doggy dementia, but she was still happy. She still had moments when she would run so fast, when she would demand pats, and she’d still remind Mum every day when it was dinner time. She was very selective with her kisses, and would only give you one lick, preferably on the nose.

A few people have mentioned that she was lucky to have us, but in all honesty, we were lucky to have Betsy. I love all animals, I love all my parents dogs, but Betsy was special. She was one of those dogs who really touched your heart. I know you’re not supposed to have favourites (dog-siblings?), but she was mine. The past few trips I was always scared that it would be the last time I’d see her, so I always made sure that I would give her pats and while she couldn’t hear me, I’d tell her I loved her. I loved her so much.

I’m sure she was greeted by Frodo and Emily over the rainbow bridge, and I’m sure they introduced her to Bailey, the first of my parents Cavalier obsession. They are amazing dogs and touch your life in such a major way, but sadly have so many health problems.

Sleep well Booboo. I hope you’re at peace and all your worries are gone. That wherever you are there are bountiful lizards to chase and crates to sleep in. You are missed and you are loved.

The post Bye Bye Betsy appeared first on XL as life!.

The oh so wonderful Suger recently released her “Confident you body confidence photo challenge“. Phew, that’s a bit of a mouth full. She asked me to share my thoughts on body confidence and I jumped at the chance. I also decided to try and give the challenge a go. I usually suck at keeping up with them, but with this being 14 days instead of a whole month, I decided to give the whole thing a go. I’ve been sharing it on my instagram, but decided that I would compile them all into weekly round up posts.

1. What body confidence means to you.

2. You / Selfie.

(picture in header) I took this picture this morning whilst getting ready. A bit of a prequel pic to my previous outfit pic. This is me. Chubby belly, stretch marks, thick thighs. But still super cute!

3. Grateful.

I am grateful for my friends, family & most of all, my kitty cats. I know I talk about wanting a dog so much, but I am thankful that at least I have these dudes keeping me company. Tonka is my baby who is always beside me (or honestly laying ON me). Louis is my little spud who never fails to make my laugh.

4. Share the love.

I want to give a shout out to the amazing Meli of @baccurelli. This is one lady who inspires me so much. She’s a beautiful loving soul, a fierce Mother and so so talented. Her and her husband do so much work for their brand and it shows. Their designs are amazing and I’ve loved slowly learning more about her, her life and her business. She isnt a girlboss, she’s a ladyboss. (Visit their store HERE)

5. I have embraced.

I guess that is my body. I still have little hang ups (my arms) and days where I can’t find anything to wear, but most of the time I rock my body! I show off my vbo, I #rockthecrop and wear what I want. I don’t let my fat stop me from experimenting with fashion.

6. Share your Why.

Why? Because I had to be. I’ve been fat from a young age, I was sick & ended up on steroids. This means I spent most of my youth being teased. Kids can be meanest of all. High school wasn’t much better, but it was more behind your back than face on. I learnt to be #bodypositive because I figured I deserved to be treated like everyone else, and most of them loved themselves, why could I? I learnt to love myself because I was already suicidal & if I didn’t learn to appreciate my body for what it did, then why should I bother? And i’m glad I did, I’m glad I learnt and that hopefully that has helped others.

7. Love your flaws/ Body Shaming.

This picture is for ANYONE that body shames. Don’t do it. Ive been pretty lucky with sharing so much of my life on the internet that I haven’t been shamed too much. I’m also lucky that years of being teased gave me thick skin and therapy gave me coping mechanisms. I’ve been shamed for my weight, my belly, my arms, my triple chin, my hair, my piercings and more. But I’m not ashamed. I have flaws, some that yeah, I’d change if I could (my teeth) but all in all those flaws make me. And I’m okay with that.

Are you playing along with the challenge?

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